2014 – Year review

I was right about one thing regarding the year 2014: that it would be a difficult one. It did not only imply making difficult decisions, it also thought me some harsh lessons and made me feel more and more absorbed into the “adult” world with all its hypocrisy and pretending. I forget the last year about which I had such a bad feeling, so I cannot wait for this one to be over. This is not to say it will only be happiness and optimism starting tomorrow, but I seriously hope (yes, I almost feel entitled to it) next year has something better in store.

To begin the review, I remember almost the full first half of the year was spent in a deep sense of uselessness, meaningfulness and solitude. I felt I had no reason to be here, I felt that my life made no sense, so I was thinking about the possibility of correcting that. The uselessness. And what do you do with something useless? That is right, you throw it away.

This year has also showed me what you dream for yourself is a lot of times quite different from what you actually have to go through and how you actually have to live your life. I had a big dream when I started going to university. A big dream and a nice scenario where I was the protagonist. But what you want and what you are good at is not always what you will do for the rest of your life. This is something it will probably take me a long while to overcome.

The second important lesson this year has taught me is that what belongs to the past should be left in the past. People, habits, passions, everything that belongs in the “has been” category. Most often we would only like to bring back a positive feeling that we associate with a certain situation, person or habit. However we forget that our circumstances have now changed, that we have changed ourselves, therefore something that felt good sometime in the past might feel only awkward in this moment. Even more often we forget pain, which is why we are so ready to embark again on the path which brought us heartache the first time. And we also forget people do not change in their essence, that those who have hurt us in the first place will not hesitate to do it again.

I also remember three moments of happiness for this year. A trip to the mountain side which reconnected me to myself, to everything I like about myself. A week I spent in the UK with one of the most amazing people on this planet. A weekend in September, the most I have laughed in ages. Because this is what best friends do for you.

This year has left me completely confused as to where I am going and what will happen, the end of it is a continual struggle, but I hope there are better times ahead.

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2014 – Year Review

I was right about one thing regarding the year 2014: that it would be a difficult one. It did not only imply making difficult decisions, it also thought me some harsh lessons and made me feel more and more absorbed into the “adult” world with all its hypocrisy and pretending. I forget the last year about which I had such a bad feeling, so I cannot wait for this one to be over. This is not to say it will only be happiness and optimism starting tomorrow, but I seriously hope (yes, I almost feel entitled to it) next year has something better in store.

To begin the review, I remember almost the full first half of the year was spent in a deep sense of uselessness, meaningfulness and solitude. I felt I had no reason to be here, I felt that my life made no sense, so I was thinking about the possibility of correcting that. The uselessness. And what do you do with something useless? That is right, you throw it away.

This year has also showed me what you dream for yourself is a lot of times quite different from what you actually have to go through and how you actually have to live your life. I had a big dream when I started going to university. A big dream and a nice scenario where I was the protagonist. But what you want and what you are good at is not always what you will do for the rest of your life. This is something it will probably take me a long while to overcome.

The second important lesson this year has taught me is that what belongs to the past should be left in the past. People, habits, passions, everything that belongs in the “has been” category. Most often we would only like to bring back a positive feeling that we associate with a certain situation, person or habit. However we forget that our circumstances have now changed, that we have changed ourselves, therefore something that felt good sometime in the past might feel only awkward in this moment. Even more often we forget pain, which is why we are so ready to embark again on the path which brought us heartache the first time. And we also forget people do not change in their essence, that those who have hurt us in the first place will not hesitate to do it again.

I also remember three moments of happiness for this year. A trip to the mountain side which reconnected me to myself, to everything I like about myself. A week I spent in the UK with one of the most amazing people on this planet. A weekend in September, the most I have laughed in ages. Because this is what best friends do for you.

This year has left me completely confused as to where I am going and what will happen, the end of it is a continual struggle, but I hope there are better times ahead.