A couple of years ago I made a list of 51 reasons why I love men. Some of the things I wrote there now seem a bit childish (although written in good faith and with positive intentions), but many of them are still true.
It’s International Men’s Day today and I want to take the time to celebrate all the men that mean something in my life. It’s a day when I want to encourage other people to be happy about themselves and to take a moment to think of all the things that make them who they are and why they are amazing. It’s also a good occasion to say „Thank you!” to the men who have supported me and who make my life nicer.
This year International Men’s Day has Positive Role Models for Boys and Men as the main theme. It got me thinking about what I’d like to see in men and what sort of behaviour I’d like them to adopt for the sake of their well-being and that of those around them.
So this one is for the most important guy in my life, my brother, for my friends who always offer me support and provide me with good conversations, for my colleagues at work whom I’m learning from every day, for my buddies in the office, who keep me entertained and make my days brighter, for the guys I don’t meet too often anymore, but who have passed through my life at one point, for the assholes who broke my heart thinking my feelings matter less than theirs, for the men that teach us and the men that lead us, for those that make our lives possible or easier in ways we don’t even know, these are my humble thoughts and feelings:
It’s ok to feel good about being a man and not accepting that other people try to blame you for things you haven’t done. I wouldn’t want anyone to tell me it’s not right for me to celebrate my femininity, either.
Please don’t feel afraid of women, because we’re not all out there to catch you red-handed and to make your life miserable. Many women don’t pretend to be fighting for equality when all they want is a new order where they command and you execute. Many of us still cherish you and hope for cooperation instead of gender fighting.
You don’t have to always „man up” or „grow a pair”, especially with your close ones. You’re already a man and you already have the pair. When you’re with your dear ones, it’s ok to just be yourself and if someone cannot accept that a guy might also have fears or worries, get them out of your life and move on.
If you think it’s your responsibility to make sure the family is provided for, it’s not. If you think it’s your responsibility to make the relationship work, it’s not. If you think you’re always supposed to make everything work, it’s not. Most of the time it’s someone else’s responsibility, too. You’re only entirely responsible for what you alone can control, for your actions and your words. Don’t put more pressure on yourself than is necessary.
Please understand that other people’s feelings matter, too. More than your ego. Don’t think only about what you want here and now, think about what it’ll feel like afterwards for someone else. You can make the difference between the two. You’re an adult, not a child.
If you have a child and you’re spending time creating memories for him or her, you’re awesome. This, teaching them how to trust themselves and make the right decisions are the best things you could give your kid. And love. Lots and lots of fatherly love.
You are not simple creatures and I do not understand what you want. I am certainly not a mind reader, so please try to articulate your needs and feelings.
If you’ve hurt me and you know this is of your doing, have the courage to apologize and try to explain why it didn’t work. Don’t hope my pain and frustration will go away, don’t try to make me sound like a crazy bitch. You certainly didn’t think that when you first started flirting with me, so what has changed in the meantime?
And lastly, but not least, you’re awesome in ways that I cannot be awesome. I am awesome in my own way. Let’s not fight against each other, let’s work with each other and try to make our worlds awesome!